I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
