I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
