There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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