idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
