He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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