I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your penis caused this!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
