All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
