Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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