Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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