my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
