I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
