sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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