From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
