I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
