After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
