if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
