they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
