Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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