i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
