we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sarcasm needs its own font
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
