I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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