OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
