In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
