you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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