Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I CAN MOONWALK!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
