halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
