Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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