Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This baby is an asshole
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
