Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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