see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
