remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
