I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
