dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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