He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I enjoy the company of your penis
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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