i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
