walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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