not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
