i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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