this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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