My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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