Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He kissed a someone with a penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
