He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
