I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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