He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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