mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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