Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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