I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
