No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
