My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
