Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
